


Love, Gordon

by neonowes



Series: Love, Benry [2]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25781044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonowes/pseuds/neonowes
Summary: Benrey shows up to Gordon’s house uninvited in the dead of night, but Gordon’s reaction is nothing like what he’d expected.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: Love, Benry [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870267
Comments: 43
Kudos: 618





	Love, Gordon

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel to my first fic “Love, Benry”, so you should read that before you read this or it probably won’t make sense!

Benrey had respawned not even an hour ago and he’d already broken his way into Gordon’s house. It was 4 am.

He’d spent a whole month respawning, much longer than it usually took. He figured that, due to how thoroughly the science team had taken him down, it made sense that he’d stay dead for longer. Didn’t make it any less boring. 

But Gordon wasn’t boring, which is why Benrey was sitting on Gordon’s kitchen counter, waiting impatiently for him to show up. He figured throwing a large pot on the ground would’ve been enough to wake Gordon up, but he was apparently a much heavier sleeper than Benrey had initially assumed.

So he threw it again, and then added a pan for good measure, and sure enough, not a minute later, he could hear footsteps moving closer towards him.

He hopped off the counter and began rummaging through Gordon’s fridge. He was overjoyed to find a bag of shredded mozzarella cheese, the perfect snack.

Just as Benrey had shoved a fistful in his mouth, the footsteps stopped, directly behind him. Perfect.

Benrey turned slowly to face him, and he could feel his heartbeat speed up as he looked at Gordon for the first time in a month. He was lit only by the light of the refrigerator, but his shock was still apparent, his eyes wide like he’d just seen a ghost (and well, hadn’t he?). He didn’t speak, as if he couldn’t even think of what he was supposed to say.

“yooo, gordon, long time no see,” Benrey said, mouth still full, with just the right amount of nonchalance that he knew would make Gordon’s blood boil.

Or at least, it normally did.

“ _Benry…?_ ” Gordon questioned, his voice softer than Benrey had ever heard it, and much softer than he had expected it to be. Instead of looking furious like he should have, Gordon looked… relieved? 

That was weird. That was really weird. Why was Gordon always so weird?

“in the FLESH,” Benrey replied, ignoring how weird Gordon was being with the hope that it would make him start acting normal, too.

It didn’t.

Gordon began inching towards him, as though one wrong move would scare Benrey off. Once he got close enough, he carefully set one hand on Benrey’s shoulder, like he was making sure he was really there. That was stupid—

Was Gordon crying? Holy shit, Gordon was crying. Benrey hadn’t considered the possibility that Gordon would be so distraught by having to keep dealing with him that he would _cry_.

He only became more confused when Gordon reached out and hugged him, squeezing him tight as if Benrey would disappear if he let go.

He buried his face in Benrey’s shoulder, and before Benrey could clear his mind enough to form a response, Gordon started mumbling into the fabric of his shirt.

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I shouldn’t have- Oh, Benrey, I’m so sorry—”_

He continued sobbing out messy apologies, and Benrey felt like his brain was going to melt and start leaking out of his ears. He didn’t have a single clue what Gordon was apologizing for, and he could feel his face heating up by the second.

“i- uh- huh? whuh?” Benrey found himself unable to form coherent sentences. He couldn’t remember anyone ever hugging him like this. Hell, he couldn’t remember anyone ever hugging him at all. 

Gordon didn’t respond. Unsure of what to do, Benrey slowly wrapped his arms around Gordon in return. That was how you comfort someone, probably.

Or not, because that only made Gordon start crying harder.

Shit, fuck, god, okay? Benrey was completely lost. He felt like he’d missed something important, but he didn’t know what to do besides awkwardly pat Gordon on the back and wait for his sobs to die down.

And they did, eventually. After several minutes, Gordon’s sobs lessened.

“are you, uh… alright?” Benrey asked, hoping that this wouldn’t set Gordon off again. It didn’t, luckily.

Gordon slowly pulled back, letting go of Benrey, who was relieved that he could finally breathe again. He’d never known how tight Gordon’s grip could be.

He wiped his eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath, “Uh, not really, no.”

“why not?”

“Uh, fuck, I— It’s a long story, I shouldn’t’ve just… freaked out like that. Probably… Probably freaked you out, too, huh?” Gordon laughed weakly, scratching the back of his head. God, this was awkward.

“uh… yeah, it— yeah,” Benrey was trying his best to look at anything that wasn’t Gordon.

The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Neither of them knew what they were supposed to say next.

Of course, Benrey had never waited until he knew what he was supposed to say before he started saying things.

“so why’d you apologize, huh? finally— you finally realize how much you missed li’l ol’ benry? huh?” Benrey taunted, “came crawling back ‘cause you missed my… my devilish charm. my raw, masculine energy.”

It was stupid, rude, and the exact opposite of what any rational person would say in a situation like this, to someone who’d just finished bawling his eyes out.

And it made Gordon laugh harder than Benrey had ever seen. 

Benrey tried to ignore the way Gordon’s laugh made him feel all fluttery, but he just couldn’t stop himself from staring as Gordon nearly doubled over in a fit of laughter. It was cute. Gordon was cute.

“Yeah— Yeah that was it, kinda.” Gordon admitted in between laughs, and Benrey had to pause all of his gay thoughts to make sure he heard that right.

“you… huh?”

“Why I apologized, I mean. I realized I missed you.”

Benrey’s face turned bright red in an instant, and he involuntarily let a bit of Sweet Voice slip from his mouth. It was pink, and it hit Gordon directly in the face.

“Augh, dude, what the fuck?” Gordon waved the orbs away.

Benrey decided he was going to act like that hadn’t even happened, focusing on what Gordon had said just a moment before.

“missed me? why’d you— you never— whuh?”

“I, uh, I thought a lot— while you were gone? And, like, the more I thought about it, I was kinda… a dickhead to you, a lot.”

“uh, yeah, what ELSE is new.” Benrey had no clue how he was supposed to reply in this kind of scenario, so he chose the route that he found easiest: being mean. 

“Benrey, I’m not— I’m not fucking around, man, I was... stressed as shit, and didn’t treat you with, like, ANY fucking respect, and it was shitty! It was really shitty, and I got worried that, if you really were dead, I’d never be able to apologize. So, yeah, I… I did miss you.”

More Sweet Voice.

“Dude, c’mon, I—“ Gordon paused, “Are the pink ones strawberry?”

Benrey nodded, averting his eyes.

“I, uh— Whatever, that doesn’t matter. I’m saying I’m sorry, and that I should’ve… put more effort into trying to understand you.”

Benrey had to physically restrain himself from letting out any more Sweet Voice, because holy shit, oh my god, what the fuck? He felt like he was dreaming.

“you— i, uh— thank... you?”

There was a short pause before Gordon spoke up suddenly.

“You never knew, right?” Gordon asked so quickly that Benrey almost couldn’t make out what he’d said.

He hadn’t been prepared for questions, especially ones as vague as that. Noticing the other’s confusion, Gordon elaborated.

“About… About my arm. You didn’t know it’d be permanent, did you?”

Benrey’s eyes widened. Gordon was right, yeah, he’d nearly lost his mind when Tommy first told him that human limbs didn’t grow back, but Gordon wasn’t supposed to know that. There was _no way_ for Gordon to know that.

Benrey responded the only way he knew how.

“what.”

“You- You know what I mean! You hadn’t known, you thought I could just grow it back.”

“no. no, i did it on purpose. i did it on purpose because- because i hate you? i hate you and you’re the worst.” Benrey was avoiding eye contact again, but Gordon wasn’t having it.

He placed his hand on Benrey’s cheek, gently turning his face so they were making the eye contact that Benrey was so keen on avoiding. 

“You don’t need to lie to me, man.”

Now it was Benrey’s turn to cry.

His vision had already started filling with light blue tears, turning the space around him into a blurry mess. Benrey had placed his hand over the one that Gordon had rested on his cheek, using his other to hold Gordon’s arm in place. He buried his face in Gordon’s palm, and Gordon chose to ignore how gross it felt.

“how did you— you weren’t ‘sposed to— i’m ‘sposed to be _bad_ —” Benrey mumbled, clearly trying to avoid outright sobbing, because hadn’t he already embarrassed himself enough?

“Benrey, you don’t have to be bad. I don’t want you to be bad.”

That opened the floodgates. Benrey could be loud when he wanted, but this might’ve been the loudest that Gordon had ever heard him. He let out a sob, falling down onto his knees. He kept his grip on Gordon’s arm as well, and so Gordon went down with him.

He’d never seen Benrey cry, his shock made it obvious. Benrey’s tears didn’t roll down his face the way Gordon’s had. Instead, as they left Benrey’s eyes, they formed bubbles which floated slowly upward and faded once they reached the ceiling, not unlike his Sweet Voice. Gordon suppressed the many surprised comments he wanted to make, focusing instead on comforting Benrey.

Benrey let himself fall into Gordon’s arms. His tears had changed from light blue to a mint green, and they were absolutely staining Gordon’s shirt. Gordon couldn’t care less.

They sat on the kitchen floor until the first signs of daylight peeked through the window, Benrey crying in Gordon’s arms until his wails had mellowed out into soft sniffles. Even after he’d stopped crying entirely, Benrey didn’t move. He was too scared to look at Gordon after laying bare his emotions like that. He felt too vulnerable, too fragile.

“how?” He asked, voice quiet. Gordon jumped a bit, startled by the sudden question.

“How what?” He responded. He could guess what Benrey was asking, but he didn’t want to answer, didn’t really know _how_ to answer, even.

“you knew. how’d you know?” Benrey continued, voice muffled by the fabric of Gordon’s shirt, “weren’t ‘sposed to.”

“I- uh, well, that’s- um...” Gordon stammered. There was no way Benrey _wouldn’t_ be mad at him if he told him the truth, right? He really didn’t want to ruin this moment, but he couldn’t just lie either, that’d only make him feel even shittier than he already felt.

He sighed.

“Uh, just, c’mere, follow me.” He said, pushing himself off the ground and extending a hand down to Benrey, who hesitated before placing his hand in Gordon’s and using it to hoist himself up.

He didn’t let go.

He let Gordon lead him down the hall, hands still interlocked. As they entered his room, Benrey thought about how their hands seemed to fit together perfectly, as if they were made to be intertwined with one another. That thought was too sappy and made him feel that same fluttery feeling again, so he attempted to distract himself from it.

“woah, your bedroom? bit early, you haven’t even taken me to dinner yet. not very gentlemanly.” Benrey’s voice was still raspy from crying, which took away some of his comment’s punch.

“Haha.” Gordon deadpanned, moving over to his dresser and pulling his sock drawer open. He sighed before reaching in and pulling something out that was definitely _not_ a pair of socks. Benrey was almost disappointed until he saw what Gordon actually had in his hands.

His diary. Gordon had his diary.

Gordon had _read_ his diary.

Benrey slowly took it from Gordon’s hands. He’d kept so many secrets stored in there, and now they’d all been spilled to the person he wanted to know them the least. He felt dizzy.

He moved to Gordon’s bed, sliding down so he was sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the bed’s frame. Gordon joined him.

“you read it?” Benrey asked.

“I… Yeah”

“all of it?”

“No! No, not… not all of it. After I got far enough to realize how much I fucked up I… I couldn’t read anymore. Didn’t wanna invade your privacy more than I already had. I didn’t know it was yours at first, but when I found out I thought that— that I’d finally have a chance to understand just what the fuck was going on in your head and… and I did.”

“wuzzat ‘sposed to mean?”

“I mean, like… I realized, reading it, that you didn’t… really understand a lot. Like, not— not in a bad way! You just… aren’t human, you don’t know as much about humans as a human does, but you wanted to! And I wish I’d known that, because God, I was a real asshole to you, wasn’t I?” Gordon was the one avoiding eye contact now.

Benrey didn’t reply. Gordon continued

“And I— like, I thought that I’d fucked up for good, that I’d never get to see you again and tell you that I was sorry. I figured the guilt would be, like, the price I payed for fucking you over so bad. So I’m really, _really_ glad that you’re here. And you— you don’t have to give me a second chance, man, I was an asshole to you! But… I at least wanna apologize for… um, everything, really. I’m really sorry.”

Benrey finally turned to face him.

“how far’d you read?” He asked, clearly trying to keep his voice from cracking.

“Um, up to the part with your, uh, signature.”

_Ah._

Benrey remembered that part. He could feel the white-hot embarrassment flooding his entire body as he realized what that meant.

“you—”

“I like you too.” Gordon blurted out, his bright red face mirroring Benrey’s.

Predictably, Benrey was left speechless.

“I thought about it a lot since I, uh— since I read it, and I think I like you too?” Gordon explained, “And that’s probably, like, really fucking weird and sudden, but you don’t gotta feel embarrassed about it, ‘cause we are in the _exact_ same boat, man.”

Everything felt like it was happening too quickly for it to feel real.

“i— uh… gimme a sec, bro. please?” Benrey said, hoping for some time to collect his thoughts. Gordon nodded.

Both of them sat in silence for a while, until Benrey slowly dropped his head onto Gordon’s shoulder. Gordon tensed up at first, but quickly relaxed and let himself lean his head on top of Benrey’s. It was nice.

It was too nice. Benrey felt like there was something he was missing, that Gordon had some ulterior motive. There had to be a piece he hadn’t put into place, or something that Gordon was keeping from him. Gordon couldn’t be telling the truth, because Gordon was supposed to hate him, because Benrey was supposed to be bad.

Gordon wrapped his arm around Benrey’s shoulder.

Gordon didn’t want him to be bad, Benrey remembered.

“i like you too. also.” Benrey finally spoke up.

“I— uh— P-Poggers.”

Benrey burst into hysterical laughter, all of the tension that had built up in the room dissipating instantly.

“i change my mind, i have changed my mind and i refuse to talk to you.” He said in between laughs. He could tell that Gordon regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth.

“Pfft— Shut up, man! I’m— I’m nervous!” Gordon shoved Benrey off of his shoulder, but he couldn’t help himself from laughing too.

“gordie freeman gettin’ all nervous ‘round his crush?”

“Maybe I am!”

“you wanna kiss about it?”

“Maybe I do!” Gordon only processed what he was saying after he’d said it, his face reddening almost immediately. Benrey sat straight up, not at all prepared for that kind of response.

“you do?”

“Uh, yeah, kinda? If you’re, um, cool with that, then yeah.”

“nice,” Benrey said, trying to sound calm. His voice gave away how nervous he actually was.

He moved over so he was sitting in front of Gordon, who still had his back against the bed, but he wasn’t quite sure of what to do after that. Gordon made the next move, cupping Benrey’s cheek. He looked at Benrey, waiting for a sign of approval, which he gave in the form of a quick nod.

Benrey began inching his face ever-so-slowly closer to Gordon’s, every second of it agonizing. Gordon, ever impatient, wasn’t having it. He groaned and pulled Benrey’s face towards his, closing the gap between them.

The kiss was quick, Gordon pulling away hardly a second after their lips had met, but Benrey still felt like it had lit his insides on fire. He wanted to do that again. He really wanted to do that again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

So he did.

Over time, each kiss became slower, lazier, softer. Benrey wasn’t exactly sure how long it’d been, but he knew that it wasn’t this bright in the room when they’d first started. They seperated for what felt like the millionth time, but this time, Gordon spoke.

“I, uh— I’m supposed to go grocery shopping today. I gotta start getting ready soon, man.”

“mmph, five more minutes,” Benrey whined, burying his face in the crook of Gordon’s neck.

Gordon sighed in defeat, unable to find it in himself to say no to Benrey’s stupid cute face.

“Fine, but only five more minutes.”

“yessss, benry wins.” Benrey pulled his head back up to continue where they’d left off.

It was an hour later when Gordon finally got the chance to get ready.

**Author's Note:**

> WELL HERE WE ARE AGAIN!
> 
> \- i got loads of people asking for a happy ending on love benry, and as someone who hates unhappy endings i was more than happy to deliver! i hope this lives up to all your expectations, if you had any  
> \- i got so many nice comments on love benry, and reading them made me so unbelievably happy!! i have a lot of trouble responding to them because of Fail Mental Illness, but please do leave one if you want to! even if i cant respond, i read them all and they really do make my day  
> \- when i first wrote them, i had ideas for what light blue and mint green Black Mesa Sweet Tears meant, but i have since completely forgotten! so your guess is as good as mine  
> \- the title doesn’t REALLY make sense, but i couldn’t think of a better one and i really liked the idea of matching titles sooo <3


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